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BEST JOKES OF THE WEEK

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  Oct 14, 2006 07:28 PM  
arki

dai ko sure kung na post na ini ta dai ko na binasa su ibang jokes...post ko man giraray

10 prutas

3 lalaki ang nagkasala sa tribu

CHIEF : magdala kayo ng 10 prutas na parepareho at bumalik kayo dito

Unang bumalik si JUAN may dalang 10 santol

CHIEF : ipasok mo lahat ang santol sa pwet mo…pag ikaw nangiwi o nangiti papatayin ka

Pinasok ni JUAN unang santol…nangiwi sya….PATAY si JUAN

Sunod na dumating si PEDRO may dalang 10 ubas

CHIEF : ipasok mo lahat ang ubas sa pwet mo…pag ikaw nangiwi o nangiti papatayin ka

Pinasok ni pedro ang mga ubas sa pwet nya…napa ngiti sya nung pinapasok na nya ang pang 10 na ubas…..PATAY si PEDRO

Sa langit nagkita si PEDRO at JUAN

JUAN : buhay ka pa sana pedro kung di ka nangiti sa pang sampung ubas…bakit ka ba nangiti?

PEDRO : nang pinapasok ko na kse ang pang 10 na ubas nakita ko sa BERTO parating na may dalang sampung LANGKA……hahahahaha!!!!

 "GIVE YOUR RESPECT TO OTHERS AND IT WILL COME BACK TO YOU AS A CONSEQUENCE"

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  Oct 22, 2006 10:01 PM  
recca
Moderator

A Filipino Applies for a Job at Wal-Mart.

An office manager at Wal-Mart was given the task of hiring an individual
to fill a job opening.

After sorting through a stack of resumes he found four people who were equally qualified --

  • an American,
  • a Russian,
  • an Australian and
  • a Filipino.

He decided to call the four in and ask them only one question.

Their answer would determine who of them would get the job.
The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table the interviewer asked,

"What is the fastest thing you know?"

  • Dave, the American, replied, "A THOUGHT . It just pops into your head. There's no warning that it's on the way; it's just there. A thought is the fastest thing I know of." "That's very good!" replied the interviewer.
  • "And now you sir?" he asked Vladimir, the Russian. "Hmm.... let me see. A blink! It comes and goes and
    you don't know that it ever happened. A BLINK is the fastest thing I know." "Excellent!" said the interviewer. "The blink of an eye, that's a very popular cliche for speed."
  • He then turned to George, the Australian who was contemplating his reply. "Well, out at my dad's ranch, you step out of the house and on the wall there's a light switch. When you flip that switch, way out
    across the pasture the light in the barn comes on.Yep, TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of." The interviewer was very impressed with the third answer and thought he had found his man. "It's hard to beat the speed of light" he said.
  • Turning to Eleuterio, the Filipino, the fourth and final man, the interviewer posed the same question. Eleuterio replied, "Apter herring da 3 preybyus ansers sir, et's obyus to me dat the fastest thing is
    "Diarrhea." "WHAT!?" said the interviewer, stunned by the response. The others were already giggling in their seats..."Oh, I can expleyn sir,." said Eleuterio. " You see, sir, da ader day my tummy was peeling bad and so I run so fast to the CR, but before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT, 'lang hiya,
    sir, I had olreydi shit in my pants!" 

tc n God bless.. lab u ol!

"Cherish each hour of this day for it can never return."

"Will someone else's life be brighter tomorrow because of what you have done today?"

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  Oct 22, 2006 11:55 PM  
pai caloy
Super User
hahahahaha, aw iyo baga gayunon recca, pag ika nagkakabugrit, dae nang duwa-duwang isip (thought), mag kurap kurap kan mata (blink) and solo-an (switch on the lights) su ilaw dman sa banyo.... matokro na sana....... prrrrrrrrrrrrrrrt. hahahahahaha, its the fastest, makaskas pa sa alas singko o kaya kikilat kan langit. hahahahahaha.

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  Oct 24, 2006 09:22 AM  
PS "PueraSibang"

The truth behind the song ETERNAL FLAME and who really sang it…

BULAG: Close your eyes.

PILAY: Give me your hand, darling.

BINGI: Do you hear my heart beating?

BOBO: Do you understand?

MANHID: Do you feel the same?

DUKHA: Am I only dreaming?

BOMBERO: Is this burning? An eternal name!

PIPI: Say my name.

BALIW: Sunshine through the rain.

KAWAWA: My whole life, so lonely.

DOKTOR: They’ll come and ease the pain.

MARAMOT: I don’t wanna lose this feeling.

WOLF: Oooohhhh…

(copy from abante-tonite oct 23, 2006 issue)

"Puera Sibang Tabi"

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  Oct 24, 2006 11:06 AM  
agustin "august"

oni may may nasagip akong joks,naglilihi daw...

ayy buntis?

anak:inay ! buntis ako!

nanay:hindi ka buntis!

anak:nasusuka ako!

anak:gusto kong maasim! buntis ako!

nanay:isa pa dudurugin ang b-yag mo!

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  Oct 24, 2006 09:55 PM  
GM

Manay Opay forwarded this joke to me, e-share ko naman saindo gabos.

Man comes home, finds his wife with his friend in bed. He shoots his friend to death.

Wife says "If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends".
====================================================

Small Boy wrote to Santa Claus, "send me a brother". Santa wrote back," SEND ME YOUR MOTHER" ==================================================

Three Feelings:

What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?

Stress is when the wife is pregnant,

Tension is when the girlfriend is pregnant, and

Panic is when both are pregnant.
================================================== >

Teacher: Do you know the importance of period?

Kid: Ya, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, dad got heart attack & our driver ran
away.
==================================================

Why did they stop printing Pamela Anderson stamps in the U.S?

B'coz people started licking the wrong side.
==================================================

Two men met while both where looking for their lost wives.

1st: How does yours look like?

2nd: She is 5"7, 36D-24-36, Fair, Black eyes and great in bed. What about yours?

1st: Forget mine. Lets find yours!!
==================================================

Sons asks the difference between confidence and confidential.

Dad says, you are my son, I'm confident. Your friend is also my son, that's confidential!
==================================================

Mother to her teenage daughter: I think this is the right time we should talk about sex.

Daughter (Excitingly): Sure mom, tell me what do you want to know ? Mother faints.


But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control. Againts such things, there is no law. Galatians 5: 22-24

GraceM

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  Oct 25, 2006 09:39 AM  
Manay Aging "Aging"

Halloween Joke!!!

After a Halloween party, a couple walked home through a cemetery. They heard a noise but tried to be brave and kept walking. soon they came upon an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at a headstone. The woman said," What are you doing here so late? We thought you were a ghost!" The old man replied, " Those fools misspelled my name"

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!!!!

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  Nov 01, 2006 10:16 AM  
pai caloy
Super User
PLEASE DO YOUR PART!



This coming week is National Mental Health Care week.

You can do your part by
remembering to contact

at least one mentally unstable person to show you care.



And since you have read this, well, my job is done !
Have a nice day!

(cut and paste ko ini, dae nag luwas su photo....hahahaha)

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  Nov 02, 2006 06:38 AM  
PS "PueraSibang"

Different prayers of single women…

At 15: Lord, give me SuperMAN.

At 18: Lord, give me a cute MAN.

At 20: Lord, give me the best MAN.

At 30: Lord, give me a good MAN.

At 40: Lord, give me a MAN.

At 50: Lord, give me sinoMAN.

At 60: Lord, maawa ka naMAN.

At 70: Lord, kaya ko pa naMAN.

At 80: Lord, kahit hipo MAN lang..

"Puera Sibang Tabi"

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  Nov 03, 2006 04:45 AM  

ARNOLD

"yats"

Super User

A NEW ARMY CAPT. INSPECTED THE SOLDIERS IN THEIR BARRACKS.

HE NOTICED A FEMALE HORSE.

CAPT: WHAT'S THAT HORSE FOR?

SGT: OUR MEN USE HER IF THEY FEEL AN URGE TO HAVE SEX

CAPT: AH! IT'S OK.

(ONE NIGHT, THE CAPT FELT AN URGE, SO THE SGT BROUGHT THE HORSE TO HIS TENT. THE CAPT

FUCKED THE HORSE. AFTER THAT, HE SAW THE SGT SMILING OUTSIDE HIS TENT.)

CAPT: ANG HIRAP NAMAN! HOW DO YOU DO IT?

SGT: WE RIDE ON THE HORSE TO THE NEXT TOWN WHERE THE GIRLS ARE.

HE HE HE HE!!!

Sign by Danasoft - Get Your Free Sign

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  Nov 05, 2006 12:40 PM  
recca
Moderator
ANG SULAT NI MARIA

Registered nurse si Maria sa States. Kasama nya ang kanyang ina na
nagpapagamot din doon pero di nagtagal namatay din ito.

Dahil sa kamahalan ng pasahe pabalik sa Pinas, nagtipid si Maria.
Pina-uwi nya na lang ang kabaong ng kanyang ina nang mag-isa.

Pagdating ng kabaong, napansin ng mga kapamilya nya na dikit ang mukha
ni nanay sa salamin ng ataul. Nagkomento ang isang anak, "Ay naku!
Tingnan mu yan... hindi sila marunong mag-ayos ng bangkay sa Amerika!"

Upang ayusin ang bangkay, binuksan ang kabaong. Aba! May sulat sa
dibdib
ng ina. Kinuha nila ito at binasa. Ang nilalaman ng liham ay mula kay
Maria:

Mahal kong tatay at mga kapatid,

Pasensya na kayo at hindi ko masamahan si nanay sa pag-uwi dyan sa
Pinas
dahil napakamahal ng pamasahe. Ang gastos ko pa lang sa kanya ay higit
$1,000 na. Ayoko ng isipin ang eksaktong halaga. Anyway, pinadala ko
kasama ni nanay ang mga sumusunod...

Nasa likod ni Nanay ang dalwangput-apat na Carne Norte.

Ang Adidas na suot ni nanay ay para kay tatay.

Ang limang paris ng degoma ay nasa loob ng dalawang asul na Jansport
na
bagpack na inuunan ni nanay. Tig-iisa kayo.

Ang iba't-ibang klase ng tsoklate at candy ay nasa puetan ni nanay.
Para
sa mga bata ito. Bahala na kayong magparte-parte. Sana'y di ito
natunaw.

Ang Pokemon stuff toy na yapos-yapos ni Nanay ay para sa bunso ni ate.
Gift ko sa first birthday ng bata.

Ang itim na Esprit bag ay para kay Nene.

Ate, nasa loob ng bag ang pictures ni inay, japanese version ng
Pokemon
trading cards and stickers.

Suot ni Nanay ang tatlong Ralph Lauren, apat na Gap at dalawang Old
Navy
t-shirts. Ang isa ay para kay kuya at tig-isa ang mga pamangkin ko.
Maisusuot nyo yan sa fiesta.

Suot din ni inay ang anim na panty hose at tatlong warmer para sa mga
dalaga kong pamangkin. Isuot ninyo yan sa mga parties.

May isang dosenang NBA caps sa may paanan ni Inay... para kay itay,
kuya, dikong, Tiyo Romy. Bigyan nyo na rin ng tig-iisa yung mga
pamangkin koat iyong isa ay para kay Pareng Tolome.

Ang tig-dalawang pares ng Nike wristband at knee caps ay suot din ni
Inay ay para sa mga anak mo kuya na nagbabasketball.

Tigdalawang ream ng Malboro Green at Winston Lights ang nasa pagitan
ng
mga hita ni Inay.

Apat na jar ng Skippy peanut butter, dalawang dish washing liquid,
isang
Kiwi glass cleaner, at tig-anim na Colgate at Aqua Fresh ang
nakasiksik
sa kili-kili ni Nanay. Hati-hati na kayo... Huwag mag-aagawan.

Isang dosenang bra na gustong-gusto ni Ka Iska, suot-suot din ni
Nanay.
Alam kong inaasam-asam ninyo iyan t'ya.

Ang hikaw, kwintas (na may nakakabit na nail cutters), singsing na
gustong-gusto mo ate, suot-suot din ni Inay. Kunin mo na rin agad
ditche.

Mga Chanel at Champion na medyas ang suot-suot din ni Inay. Tig-isa
kayo
ng mga pamangkin ko.

Mga pampers, panty liners, cotton buds, cotton balls, table napkins at
mga scoth brite na may foam ay natatakpan ng mga puting bath towels...
iyon bale ang pinang-kutson ko sa kabaong ni Nanay. Marami-rami rin
iyan... Parte-parte na kayo.

Marami pa sana akong ilalagay kaya lang baka mag-excess at si Nanay pa
ang maiwan.

Basta parte-parte na kayo Tatay, Kuay, Ate, Nono, Nene... para
sainyong
lahat iyan. Bahala na kayo kay Nanay. Ipapa-misa ko na lang siya dito.
Balitaan na lang ninyo ako pagkatapos ng libing.

Paki-double check nga rin pala ang lista kung walang nawawala sa mga
ipinadala ko.


Nagmamahal,

Maria

P.S. Paki bihisan ninyo agad si Nanay!!!

tc n God bless.. lab u ol!

"Cherish each hour of this day for it can never return."

"Will someone else's life be brighter tomorrow because of what you have done today?"

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  Nov 06, 2006 01:31 AM  
andador
  • From:http://jokes.siteuri.ro/jokes.01.html

  • A Letter From A Redneck Mother To Her Son

    Dear Son,

    I'm writing this slow 'cause I know you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you left. Your dad read in the paper that most accidents happen within twenty miles of home, so we moved. Won't be able to send you the address as the last Arkansas family that lived here took the numbers with them for their house, so they wouldn't have to change their address.

    This place has a washing machine. The first day I put four shirts in it, pulled the chain and haven't seen 'em since.

    It only rained twice this week, three days the first time and four days the second time.

    The coat you wanted me to send to you, Aunt Sue said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with them heavy buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.

    We got a bill from the funeral home, and it said if we didn't make the final payment on Grandma's funeral bill, up she comes.

    About your sister, she had a baby this morning. I haven't found out whether if it is a boy or a girl so don't know if you are an Aunt or Uncle.

    Your Uncle John fell in the whiskey vat. Some men tried to get him out, but he fought them off playfully, so he drowned. We cremated him and he burned for three days.

    Three of your friends went off the bridge in a pickup. One was driving and the other two were in the back. The driver got out. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. The other 2 drowned. They couldn't get the tail gate down.

    Not much more news this time. Nothing much happened. If you don't get this letter, please let me know and I will send another one.

    Love, Ma

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      Nov 06, 2006 09:28 AM  
    -
    Super User

    a contribution of my Tabaqueno friend from Canada na nasusupog o kaya hugakon mag-posting kaya ako ang pigpaparasugo!

    Parishioner: Father bakit may nakasampay na daster, bra at panty sa may kumbento? may asawa ka?

    Father: Kung aasa ako sa mga donasyon nyo, di ako mabubuhay! Tumatanggap akong labada!

    GF: I'm warning you! darating na si daddy within 1 hour!

    BF: Eh ano ngayon? eh wala naman tayong ginagawang masama ah!

    GF: Kaya nga! kung may plano ka, DALIAN MO NA!!=20

    _____

    Nun: I was raped... what shall I do?

    Mother Superior: Hir, take this calamansi.

    Nun: wil it ease d pain?

    Mother Superior: sipsipin mo! ng mawala ngiti sa mukha mo, Bwiset!!!

    _____

    Nay? bakit po VICTORIA ang name ni ate?

    Kasi anak dun namin siya ginawa ng itay mo...

    Eh bakit si kuya, ANITO?

    Ay, tumigil ka na nga Luneta at baka mapalo kita! tawagin mo na si kuya

    FX mo!

    _____

    HONEYMOON:

    Wife: Hon wag mo ako bibiglain ha? I'm still a virgin

    Husband: You mean ako ang una?

    Wife: Yes, do it na

    Husband: I did it na, kanina pa!!

    Wife: ah ganon ba? Aray pala!

    _____

    Ama: Buntis anak ko, panagutan mo!

    BF: May asawa na po ako!

    Ama: Pano 'to?

    BF: Areglo na lang po... 2 M pag Boy, 2.5M pag Girl

    Ama: Ok, pero pag nakunan. GIB HER ANADER CHANS ha?

    _____

    Maid: Sir sinong mas yummy? si mam ba o ako?

    Sir: Syempre naman ikaw day! bakit?

    Maid: Naguguluhan lang po kasi ako eh... sabi kasi ng driver, eh mas

    yummy

    daw talaga si mam!

    _____

    Wife: Dear, ano regalo mo sa 25th Anniversary natin?

    Husband: Dalhin kita sa Africa ...

    Wife: Wow! How sweet naman... eh! sa 50th Anniversary natin?

    Husband: Susunduin na kita!

    _____

    BUS HINOLDAP!

    Holdaper: re-reypin ko lahat ng babae dito!

    Prosti: ako na lang po, maawa kayo sa iba..

    Lola: Sinabi na ngang LAHAT eh! sasagot pa! gagang 'to!

    _____

    Dalawang probinsyano sumakay sa elevator

    Gorio: magkano ibabayad natin?

    Andoy: tanga! inosente! bugok! stupid! bat ka magbabayad eh wala pa

    Tayong tiket!

    _____

    Pedro bumps a foreigner

    Pedro: ay sori

    Foreigner: sorry too

    Pedro: sori 3

    Foreigner: what are you sorry for?

    Pedro: (kala mo bobo ako ha!) sori 5

    Foreigner: i think you are sick!

    Pedro: hahahaha! sick daw, seven sunod!

    _____

    Pedro: Pare bakit malungkot ka?

    Juan: Asawa ko nag hire ng driver, Gwapo, Bata, Macho!

    Pedro: Nagseselos ka?

    Juan: Nagtataka lang ako kasi wala kaming sasakyan!

    _____

    Anak: Itay, bibili ako ng b o nd paper

    Itay: Anak, wag kang bobo ha? hindi "b o nd paper" ang tawag dun!

    Anak: Ano po ba?

    Itay: "Kokongban"

    _____

    Women are physically stronger than men...

    Why?

    Because women can carry two mountains at a time!

    while men can carry only two eggs...

    Take Note!

    with the help of a bird pa!

    _____

    Madre: Father, tell your seminarian not to urinate along the fence...

    Father: Sister naman, maliit na bagay lang papansinin mo pa...

    Madre: No Malalaki, Father. Malalaki! Shocked

    ____

    Alam mo ba kung bakit may sabaw ang balot?

    Kung Ikaw kaya ang ikulong sa shell... saan ka ji-jingle?

    Aber?

    Saan??

    Sumagot kaaaa!!!

    SaaaAANNNNNNN ?!?!?! Angry

    _____

    Farmer: lalaki na talaga ang aking anak kasi magsasaka na, "ano ang

    plano mong itanim sa sakahan mo anak?"

    Anak: flowers papa! lots of Bongacious Flowers!!

    ____

    Ama: Hoy! Huwag kang babakla bakla ha?

    Anak: Hindi po Itay, pupunta nga ako ng basketbolan eh!

    Ama: Yan! Astig!

    Anak: Inay? nakita mo yung POMPOMS ko?

    Ina: Alin? yung pink?

    ____

    Misis: " Sir, mananawagan po sana ako sa mister ko kasi dinala Niya ang

    limang anak namin."

    Radio Host: " Ok, go ahead!"

    Misis: " Honey, ibalik mo na ang mga bata, isa lang naman ang sa Iyo =

    diyan!"

    _____

    Juan: San ka galing?

    Pedro: sementeryo, libing ng byenan ko.

    Juan: E bakit puro kamot ang mukha at braso mo?

    Pedro: Mahirap ilibing eh... Lumalaban!!

    _____

    Two nurses on duty...

    Nurse 1: Hoy! Gaga, bakit may thermometer sa tenga mo!

    Nurse 2: Ha? susmaryosep! kaninong pwet ko kaya naiwan yung ballpen

    ko!! Shocked

    _____

    Hari: Ano gusto mong parusa? ipakain sa leon o pasukan ng bubuyog sa

    pwet?

    Pedro: Mas gugustuhin ko pong pasukan ng bubuyog sa pwet.

    Hari: Mga kawal! ilabas si Jolibee!

    God give us the grace to accept with serenity the things that cannot be changed, courage to change the things which should be changed and the wisdom to distinguish the one from the other [Reinhold Niebuhr]


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      Nov 06, 2006 09:35 AM  
    -
    Super User

    May kadugtong pa palan!

    Asawa" 1st year masaya.
    After 5 years tanggalin ang A "sawa na".
    after 10 years tanggalin ang S"awa na lang".
    Sa susunod na taon tanggalin mong A "wa na!"
    ------------------------------

    Home version of who wants to be a millionaire:
    Husband: dear puede ka ba ngayon?
    Wife : di puede pagod ako!
    Husband: is that final?
    Wife: FINAL!!!!
    Husbandk, can i phone a friend?!?

    ----------------------------------------------------------
    Pag Americano umutot: EXCUSE ME!
    Pag British naman: PARDON ME!
    Pag Espanol: EXCUSAR POR QUE UTUTAR!
    Pag Pinoy: Di ako yun! Mamatay na ang umutot

    -----------------------------------------------------------------
    Warning: Children playing outside the car can
    cause accident... and...
    Adults playing inside the car can cause
    CHILDREN!!!!
    Loveliness through the years
    _________________
    1950s-Iniirog kita.
    1960s-Iniibig kita.
    1970s-Minamahal kita.
    1980s-I love you.
    1990s-Tara sa kwarto.
    2000s-Pwede na rito.
    -------------------------------------------------------

    MRS: sa palagay mo, mahal, ilang taon na ako?
    MR : kung titignan kita sa buhok 18 ka lang;
    kung nakatalikod 1 6 lang, kung sa kutis 22 lang.
    Bale total ay 56 sweetheart.

    God give us the grace to accept with serenity the things that cannot be changed, courage to change the things which should be changed and the wisdom to distinguish the one from the other [Reinhold Niebuhr]


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      Nov 06, 2006 08:01 PM  
    -
    Super User

    Igwa na naman na additional collection of jokes na gusto ko ipost, hale again ini duman sa amigo kong Tabaqueno na nasa Canada na masupgon buda hugakon magpost! Hoy! Mr. R I gonna charge you for this!, but thanks for making me laugh early morning with his funny jokes!

    Duktor: Kambal ang anak mo. Sister mo ang nagbigay ng mga pangalan.
    Ina: Ay, naku, tanga iyon, dok! Ano ang ipinangalan sa mga anak ko?
    Duktor: Doon sa girl, DENISE.
    Ina: Aba, okey yun ah! E doon sa boy?
    Duktor: DENEPHEW...

    ****

    Anak: 'ma, bakit kayo tumatalbog sa ibabaw ni daddy??
    Mom: Wala, anak, pinapaliit ko lang ang tiyan ng Daddy mo.
    Son: Nye! Mapapagod ka lang, kasi hinihipan din uli yan ni yaya!

    ****

    A black baby was given a pair of wings by a fairy....
    Baby: Does this mean I'm an angel??
    The Fairy laughs....
    Fairy: Of course not! Negritang 'to, ambisyosa! Paniki ka!

    ****

    Nanay: Anak, hindi ka ba nahihiya??! Linis ako nang linis dito, tapos
    ikaw, naglalaro lang dyan?!!
    Anak: 'nay, hindi ba mas nakakahiya kung ako ang naglilinis dyan at ikaw
    ang naglalaro dito?? toink...

    ****

    Duktor: Iho, bakit mo naman sinapak yung lalaki kanina?
    Boy: E, dok, nakita na niya na ninenerbyos ako sa resulta ng AIDS test ko
    e tapos sasabihin pa niya...
    "THINK POSITIVE pare!"....

    ****

    Ama: May taning na ang buhay ko. Pag ako'y namatay huwag nyong ibebenta
    yung lupa sa likod ng bahay...
    Anak: Hindi naman atin 'yon, 'tay!
    Ama: Kaya nga huwag nyong ibebenta dahil hindi atin 'yon!!

    ****

    Magkaibigan kumakain...
    Pedro: Ano'ng palaman ng tinapay mo?
    Juan: Kiso!
    Pedro: Kiso? Ano ka ba, nakakahiya ka! Hindi 'yan kiso! Chess yan..
    CHESS!!

    ****

    Tatlong baliw sa Mandaluyong, nagkukuwentuhan...
    Baliw #1: Ako ang presidente dito!
    Baliw #2: Wala ka sa akin! Ako si Bush, presidente ng America!
    Baliw #1: Sino ang nagsabi?
    Baliw #2: Ang Diyos!
    Baliw #3: At kelan kita sinabihan??

    ****

    Professor: Who among you has experienced having sex with a ghost??
    Juan raised his hand...
    Professor: Really?? How did it feel?
    Juan: Ayy, putsa! Akala ko goats!!

    ****

    Q: Bakit tahimik magbukas ng medicine ang tanga??
    A: Ayaw niyang magising ang mga sleeping pills..
    Nyahahaha!!

    ****

    Teacher: Juan, ano ang susunod sa 7?
    Juan: 8 po!
    Teacher: Sa 2?
    Juan: 3 po!
    Teacher: Ang galing mo! Sino ang nagturo sa 'yo?
    Juan: Tatay ko po!
    Teacher: O sige, ano ang susunod sa 10?
    Juan: Jack po!

    ****

    Nasa bubong ang sakristan, namboboso sa pari at madre.....
    Madre: Paano, father, pag nabuntis ako??
    Pari: Bahala na ang nasa itaas!
    Sakristan: 'tang ina, bakit ako? E nanonood lang naman ako!

    Anak: Tanghali na, bakit ayaw pang lumabas sa kuwarto sina mama at papa?
    Inday: Ewan. Kagabi, humingi sila ng PETROLEUM JELLY, pero ang naibigay ko, MIGHTY BOND!
    ------------------------------------------
    Ma'am: Inday, buti, bumaba ang water bill natin.
    Maid: Opo., Kasi sumasabay na po maligo si sir sa akin! Pinapatay rin niya ang ilaw 'pag tumatabi siya sa akin para bumaba rin daw ang kuryente.
    ---------------------------------------------
    Dolora: Naku, tataas daw ang pamasahe kaya dapat ay mag-reduce na tayo, mare!
    Lucita: Bakit, mare?
    Dolora: Gagawin daw PER KILO ang pamasahe!
    --------------------------------------------------
    Usapan ng dalawang baliw.
    Baliw #1: Kanina pa nakadapo sa 'yo 'yang lamok, bakit hindi mo pa patayin?
    Baliw #2: Hinihintay kong mabusog saka ko hahabulin para magka- appendicitis!
    ---------------------------------------------------------
    Fr. Damaso: Hinabol ako ng babaeng maganda at hubad. Ang ginawa ko, dinamitan ko agad. Kung kayo po an nasa kalagayan ko, Bishop, ano po ang gagawin ninyo?
    Bishop: Tulad mo, magsisinungaling din ako.
    -----------------------------------------------------------
    Lumubog ang barko. Patay lahat ng tao sa loob, maliban sa isang Ita.
    Ita: Halika, pating. kainin mo ako!
    Pating: Huwag mo akong lokohin! Hindi ako tanga! PUSIT ka!
    -----------------------------------------------------------
    Maraming salita sa wikang Tagalog na pag binaligtad, meron ding kahulugan. Tulad ng:
    ALAB - BALA
    ALAT - TALA
    ATAY- YATA
    DAGA - AGAD
    GILID - DILIG
    IPIL - LIPI
    IPIS - SIPI
    LASLAS (tosbas... ano?)
    -------------------------------------------------------
    Ang pag-ibig, hindi puro saya. Kailangan, handa kang masaktan. Handa kang lumuha. Handa kang magsakripisyo para sa kanya. At ito ang pinakaimportante sa lahat.
    Kailangan, huwag kang magpapautang. Para hindi ka pagtaguan!
    --------------------------------------------------------
    Mga appropriate flowers.
    Dalagita: Pitimini
    Dalaga: Sampaguita
    Bagong kasal: Rosas
    Matandang dalaga: Calla Lily
    Lola: Chicharong bulaklak

    Bobo: Pare, hulaan mo ugali ko. Nagsisimula sa letter A.
    Pare: approachable?
    Bobo: mali
    Pare: amiable
    Bobo: mali pa rin
    Pare: o sige, sirit na nga
    Bobo: Anest
    ---------------------------------------------
    isang binatilyo pumasok sa isang gay bar. Nalaman ng nanay niya at nagalit
    Nanay: ano naman ang nakita mo dun na di mo dapat makita?
    Binatilyo: si tatang po gumigiling
    ----------------------------------------------
    Bush: What are the pollutants in your country?
    Jingoy: We have lots of pollutants....we have sisig, kilawin, chicharon,
    mani
    -----------------------------------------------
    A naked girl rode on a taxi
    "Bakit" asked the girl at the driver na nakatitig sa katawan nya
    "Ngayon ka lang ba nakakita ng hubad?"
    Driver: "Hindi po miss, iniisip ko lang kung saan nakatago pamasahe mo"
    ----------------------------------------------
    Pare 1: Pare, magkaiba medyas mo, isang pula at isang azul
    Pare 2: Ewan ko nga kung saan nabili ng misis ko ito. May isa pa nga
    akong pares na ganito rin and kulay sa bahay.
    -----------------------------------------------
    Beauty contest.....
    Emcee : What's the big problem facing the country today?
    Contestant: Drugs
    Emcee : Very good, why do you say that?
    Contestant: Ang mahal kasi eh!
    -----------------------------------------------
    Amo : Bakit ka umiiyak?
    Katulong: Sabi po ni dok tatangaling po ako ng butlig
    Amo : Butlig lang iiyak ka na...
    Katulong: Kasi ok lang kung right lig or left lig lang po pero bakit naman
    butligs pa.....wah wah wah
    ------------------------------------------------
    Doc: For your health take only a cup of rice, lean meat and a saucer of
    kangkong. Fruits for dessert and lots of juice....
    Fat guy: Doc, shall I take them before or after meals?
    ----------------------------------------------
    Guro: Sino si Jose Rizal?
    Juan: ' Di ko po kilala.
    Guro: Ikaw, Pepe, sino si Jose Rizal?
    Pepe: Di ko rin po kilala.
    Guro: Di niyo kilala si Jose Rizal?!
    Pedro: Ma'm, baka po sa kabilang section siya!



    God give us the grace to accept with serenity the things that cannot be changed, courage to change the things which should be changed and the wisdom to distinguish the one from the other [Reinhold Niebuhr]


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